So now what?

I did it. After thinking and agonizing over my decision I finally decided to quit. It wasn't easy. I'm one of those teachers who get to love every one of the kids in my class. Unfortunately, sometimes things beyond your control happens - and yes you feel as if you are letting all thesethis was not supposed to be a sad kids down.

Even though I only write this now I already stopped working at the end of March. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Do I miss the kids? Definitely. Would I do things different if I had the chance? Yes I would. The last day at school I was so sad. Saying goodbye to the kids, greeting the parents for the last time (this was the hardest thing to do) and then just walking to your car. Not thinking about tomorrow, trying not to fall apart and driving away smiling and waving at everyone.

And then you wake up the next morning ...... I felt so lonely, without a plan, what do I do next? I took the kids to school, came back home and went to bed. For the first two weeks I would get emotional every time I spoke to someone from the nursery school where I worked. Yes I knew I was becoming depressed. Everyday I would just stay at home and sleep for hours. It doesn't sound very appealing does it? I didn't want to meet up with friends, I would ignore my phone when it was ringing, I just wanted to be left alone .....

How far have I come since then? Well .... I still take the kids to school. Sometimes when I get home I go and lie in bed, but most of the time I start doing something in the home. I still don't feel like seeing people, I do make an effort now and then - and it's not all bad.

This was not supposed to be a sad, depressing blog. It was actually supposed to just let you know that everyone can feel this way. It is easy to say: "everything's fine!", but the next time you ask someone how they are - really listen. There could be just a slight change of the voice or no eye contact, there might even be a smile.

The person you see may always be smiling, making jokes. But what you see, is just what you are allowed to see.

How am I? I'm fine! Doing great! No problems!

Smile and wave ;-)