So now what?

I did it. After thinking and agonizing over my decision I finally decided to quit. It wasn't easy. I'm one of those teachers who get to love every one of the kids in my class. Unfortunately, sometimes things beyond your control happens - and yes you feel as if you are letting all thesethis was not supposed to be a sad kids down.

Even though I only write this now I already stopped working at the end of March. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Do I miss the kids? Definitely. Would I do things different if I had the chance? Yes I would. The last day at school I was so sad. Saying goodbye to the kids, greeting the parents for the last time (this was the hardest thing to do) and then just walking to your car. Not thinking about tomorrow, trying not to fall apart and driving away smiling and waving at everyone.

And then you wake up the next morning ...... I felt so lonely, without a plan, what do I do next? I took the kids to school, came back home and went to bed. For the first two weeks I would get emotional every time I spoke to someone from the nursery school where I worked. Yes I knew I was becoming depressed. Everyday I would just stay at home and sleep for hours. It doesn't sound very appealing does it? I didn't want to meet up with friends, I would ignore my phone when it was ringing, I just wanted to be left alone .....

How far have I come since then? Well .... I still take the kids to school. Sometimes when I get home I go and lie in bed, but most of the time I start doing something in the home. I still don't feel like seeing people, I do make an effort now and then - and it's not all bad.

This was not supposed to be a sad, depressing blog. It was actually supposed to just let you know that everyone can feel this way. It is easy to say: "everything's fine!", but the next time you ask someone how they are - really listen. There could be just a slight change of the voice or no eye contact, there might even be a smile.

The person you see may always be smiling, making jokes. But what you see, is just what you are allowed to see.

How am I? I'm fine! Doing great! No problems!

Smile and wave ;-)

A letter to teachers everywhere

I wish that all teachers knew the impact they have on kids lives. My youngest is finishing his last year in primary school. With all my other kids, this was a very emotional thing to go through. Well guess what? This time it isn't. It is as though this year was the year that the teachers wanted to show the parents and kids that they are the boss, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Every year the grade 7's had the privilege of having a special shirt that they could wear on Fridays, well not this year, the school just decided that the kids won't have any. They decided on a new demerit system. If your diary is in your bag and not on your table, guess what? Two points demerit for you! If you write too slow in the exam and don't finish your paper, guess what? Sorry, another demerit for you. It's not hard to get to twelve demerit points, and then you'll have detention. Of course then the teacher will tell you how you're wasting their Friday afternoon. I know my child didn't sit detention and didn't get too many demerits, but this letter is for every boy and girl out there who has been bullied by teachers.

I believe that if a child is not behaving he should be punished! Every action has a reaction. The problem I have is when educators try to catch kids doing something wrong. If you didn't paste your paper in your book it's worthy of a demerit. What happened to talking to kids? Why do educators feel the need to show they have power over kids. Guess what? We know that, you've got our kids for long times during the day. We know that if we complain you will let it out on our kids. What can we do? You win!

Thanks for making my son and the whole grade 7 class of 2014 feel like the worst class you ever had to teach anything to. Thanks for breaking their self confidence, for trampling on their dreams, for sending them to high school with a low self esteem.

Next year with the new grade 7 group please try the following:

• Accept the good in them before you decide they are worthless
• Understand that they are kids, not adults
• They are looking up to you for guidance, don't step on their souls
• A child will listen to a soft voice and rebel against harshness
• They are doing everything in their power to please you
• Last but not least, this is their last year, please let them be kids and have some fun

I know there are wonderful teachers out there. Thank you so much for your love and dedication. This letter is not about you.

I love my children. I will do anything for them. I will pick up the pieces and put them back together again. You know why? For I am a mom, and I am my children's mom. (Oh yes, and don't forget I also am a teacher. I hope and pray that I won't ever treat a child the way our children was treated this year.)

 

 

 

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My daughter, my hero

I have no words to describe the feeling I got when I saw my daughter for the first time in nearly seven months. I was in transit for almost 24 hours, I wasn't sure what time it was supposed to be - but boy I was so happy to see her. When I got out of the car and she came rushing down the stairs I new it was the right decision to go visit her. The first thing I noticed was how grown-up she became. She was the one who asked me if I was hungry, do I need anything, can she make me something to drink? She made me the most wonderful chicken salad and best cup of coffee I've had in a long time.

Because she new everything and I was the one not knowing anything, it quickly became clear that the dynamics of our relationship was going to change. She would be hurrying for the subway and I was just trying to stay close. How was I supposed to know that behind those closed doors was a staircase leading to trains parked underneath New York City? I was amazed at how strong my daughter is, it is something I never had the chance to witness here in South Africa. Here it was easy to always know where she was and what she was doing. Now I can only pray that she will make the right choices, and you know what? She is doing absolutely wonderful!I would not have been able at the age of 21 to fly to another country, settle in and make friends. She became my hero ....

We only had two weeks together, it really was too short. Do I plan to go again? You bet. Would I do something's different? O yes, I would definitely book as a hotel for a few nights in New York instead of taking the subway from West Nyack every time. I would still walk forever in Central Park, run in the rain and loose my sandal, struggle with configuring dollars to rands. But most of all I would love to spend time with my daughter again .....

Love you Chanél ;-)

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I'll pick myself up and try again

It's true, I just stopped writing for nine months! I can't even say that I was pregnant, it would have been wonderful to have something to show after all this time. The only thing I have to show is a hurt ego. I thought it would be easy to start a blog. I like reading other people's blogs, surely it would be easy to start my own ...... Then I woke up from my dream.

I would love it if the words could just flow from my fingers. Unfortunately, everything has to be connected to my brain. Sometimes I would write something over and over, just because it didn't sound right. Yes, I have a little OCD - how did you guess?

The last time I wrote something, my kids were just starting the new school year. The year is just about finished now. My youngest is on his way to high school, that brings along a whole new set of  rules and changes in all my perfect planning!

One of the best things this year was going to New York to visit my daughter. She went over on 1 December 2013 and at the end of June this year I got the chance to visit her. What an adventure - mom and daughter alone in the Big Apple!

Everyone warned me about the heat that time of year. Boy it was hot, I really wasn't prepared for that. I thought I was going to melt. Even with all the heat, the sore feet, the running for trains on the subway (why is everyone in such a hurry?) and the incredible exhaustion, it was so worth it.

Now it's back to reality. I'm really going to try my best, I will get my blog going. I really enjoy writing everything down and then reading it at a later stage and seeing how things have changed in the end.

I will go into more detail about New York, the flight over, the crying and the laughing! Thank you for reading my blog and taking the journey with me :-)

No more books!

That's it! I officially quit. If anyone out there sends me one more book to cover, I'm going to run down the street screaming like a crazy person. It will not be for effect either, I will be crazy.  I have never in my life felt so utterly misused.

I know there will be parents out there telling me that my kids should cover there own books. I understand where you're coming from, but it just doesn't work for me. This is the one thing that I actually enjoy (or did). I love covering books, making sure the corners are nice, neat and square. If my kids did it I would only be hovering around and if they moved to something else, I would do it over. Yes, I have a little bit of OCD in me. 

The trouble now is this: in one subject the books must be covered with newspaper, name in the top right hand corner. Oh and don't forget the teacher's name. Next subject: now there are two books - one should be blue and the other red. Off we go to the shops for red and blue paper. See what I'm getting at?

We've got books with black paper. Some books have got their own covers that we should use. On some books we should put the year, some have the teacher's name and others have the number of the classroom on. If I was president for a day I would change everything to one universal standard. Why does every book have to be different? If the teacher wants to change something get new curtains, move the furniture, get a plant.

Yes, I know I am moaning. At this stage it really doesn't matter anymore. The books are covered. I am tired. I am cranky. I need a hug.

Hopefully tomorrow there will be no more books to cover. I'm sure there can't be anymore. Please don't let there be more books !!!!

It works for me!

Yes I'm guilty! From starting out and trying to blog everyday to not blogging at all. How bad can you feel? To make things worse, except for being busy and telling myself that there is no time left in the day to spend in front of my iPad, there actually is no excuse.

Of course the schools started after the long December holidays. My kids had been at home for eight weeks! After all the chasing around and trying to get everything ready for the first day of school I felt like I really needed a break. I couldn't look at another shop, I wanted nothing to do with clothes, books, pencils - anything that looked like it belonged in a school bag.

You know how you sometimes just want to climb into your bed and forget about everything? That was me. Unfortunately my kids didn't get the memo. Of course they wanted a sleepover at our house, they know that their friends are always welcome, so why wouldn't I want them over? Yippie !!!!!

Fortunately they each only invited one friend over. After making a lovely chicken dinner and relaxing with my kindle I decided it was time for bed. Not for the kids though, just for old people like me and my husband. The only problem is, I'm one of those people who can't sleep unless everything is super quiet. My husband however can just climb in bed, roll on his side - and he's asleep!

After getting up every fifteen minutes and doing ...... well nothing, I decided that I would once again revert to good old Prestik! Yes, those putty things you use to put posters up in your classroom. I've used it before and the only setback is that your hair can get stuck in it and it really is an awkward feeling when you hear your heartbeat in your ears the whole time (until you move your head slightly). That was it! I slept like a baby. I didn't hear the boys raiding the fridge, I didn't hear the playstation or the computer.

Next time I will be sure to have the Prestik on hand before I climb in bed. No reason for me to suffer unnecessarily. I almost feel like I should give out a warning like the ads on television that you shouldn't try this at home. I don't know what my doctor will say if I mention it to her (perhaps I shall keep it a secret for now), I just know that it works for me.

Believe me, a well rested mom with sticky ears is so much better that a tired grumpy mom. Now, where did  I put my Prestik?

I will always be there

Why does it always have to be that you have to make choices? Wouldn't it be a lot easier if we could just know what lies ahead of us and had no worries about our future? I know, I know, life doesn't really work that way.

At the start of a new school year for my own kids it's always a bit sad for me. We rush around to get everything, the night before we are still marking our stationary and packing all our stuff away (you all know about my little problem with procrastination). They have to eat, take a bath, rush to bed .... And now? What happens next? We never had that important talk - the one where I tell them that no matter what happens, no matter what they do I will always love them. I didn't get to tell them that perhaps this year will not be as great as they hope it will be, maybe they'll have problems with teachers, sometimes their friends will change and another person will be more important to that friend.

If I could pave the road for them I would. I would fight every battle, sooth every heartache, take away every broken heart, do everything in my power so that they have the most wonderful experience in their lives. The really sad part is I can't. I'll be on the sidelines cheering, looking on and knowing that sometimes there will be hurt that they don't want to share with me. I can only stand quietly and help when asked, even though I have a physical pain in my heart every time I see them suffer. They will have to make their own choices, some good others not so good. They'll have to choose between friends, doing the right thing or just doing what everyone else does.

I wish for them a life full of laughter, a heart that knows only sunshine and happiness. I hope that they get up every morning with joy, that they never get to know the ugliness of the human nature, that they always believe in the good of everybody.

Above all, I want them to know that I am their mother, I am always on their side, I will fight with them and I will fight for them. I will love them to the end of time.

May all our children have the best possible year, and may the stars in their eyes never die ;-)

I do this every time

I knew it was going to happen! I ran out of time - again. This happens to me every time. I think there is something in my brain telling me not to do anything on time. I can chill the whole weekend without a care in the world, and then it will be Sunday evening and I will run around trying to find all my work for school. 

Which brings me to where I am tonight. It was 22:37 when I started blogging. Just yesterday I decided that I should do my blog earlier in the day. I do it every evening in my bed, which means that I am tired and actually not really in the mood to blog. The sad part is that I really wanted to try my hand at blogging, it always sounded so great when I read about some blogger somewhere making a name for her/himself. This is not something I think I will ever achieve, but that's just fine by me. I have to do one blog a day, my mind is made up, so there. The reason behind this crazy idea is something I read about how you should blog everyday to get better at writing, and also so that you get into the discipline of writing.

The other important things I haven't gotten around to is getting everything ready for my kids' school year. I haven't bought one pen, pencil, ruler, lunch box or even one shirt or shoe. This means that tomorrow after finishing school at 13:00, I will pick up my kids from their friends houses, we shall rush to the shops to try and find everything. The bad thing is that there will be so many other parents with their kids doing the same, that you will be lucky to find half of what you actually want.

It all comes around to one thing. I am still doing my blog at this late hour, I just finished my preparation for school tomorrow which was supposed to be in today, I am very tired and just want to go to sleep.

At this late stage I once again promise myself I shall try harder, my blog will be written everyday and I should just try and stay calm tomorrow with all the rushing around. 

I really need a hug right now ;-)

Last outing before school starts

What a wonderful day. Today was one of those days that was just magical from beginning to end. I'm not always very happy with heat and sun, if you see my complexion you'd understand why (red hair, fair skin). We decided to take the kids to Gold Reef City because the school will be starting on Wednesday, I thought I will sit and read my kindle, maybe look at all the people, tweet a little. Not a chance, there was to much fun to be had.

First of all we were there just after ten o' clock. No long queue, just walking through the gates, which in itself was a miracle as I thought everybody would be there. The kids had the chance to go on every ride there was, sometimes twice.

The sun was really hot and we had something to drink almost every half hour. For the first time the kids could go on everything even if a parent couldn't go with them, which meant I could do another favorite hobby of mine - people watching. That is another blog just on its own!

Even if I am not the most adventurous person out there, I was definitely the wettest today. This is really going to be our newest hangout for a while, Sun City would have to wait. This is a half hour away from us not two, and there's a lot of rides and 4d shows, not just a make-believe sea and slides.

This is most certainly the shortest blog in the history. Sorry for this, but my challenge is a blog a day. Hopefully tomorrow would be better ;-)

I'm officially hooked

After lying around indoors all day, it suddenly struck me that I became like my children. You know, those people that live in our houses, eat our food, never clean behind them.

 I don't want to move from my phone! There, I've said it - it's a sad, sad day for me. It took me a while to get to this point. I've always wanted to do things on my phone and iPad. You know, like they do on all those reality shows. They are always on their phones, checking for messages (how can anybody be on their phone that long, what do they type, what do they read?).

Don't forget all the tablets and iPads - you cannot live if you are not connected to something.  I wasn't that bad, I have a phone I use for my Facebook, whatsApp, bbm, messaging - all the normal stuff you do with your phone. I got a new iPad so that I can Skype with my daughter who went to Au pair in New York, that was the only reason I got it. What other reason could there be for a tablet? Oh I forgot, it was also so that my kids could download games to play!

But then I caught a serious bug. It is called blogging and tweeting. I must first explain one thing - I don't know anything about any digital stuff. If I want something done I just call on my children to help. It's quick, easy and I don't even have to pay them. Except that little thing about me being obliged to give them food.

I started blogging just out of curiosity. I wanted to see if I could keep on writing every day for at least a year (we'll see about that). Then I read somewhere that if you blog you should also go on twitter. It doesn't sound too bad, why not? Sign me up! Twitter was officially the most scary place for me to be, all those names, and why do everyone have a "@" in front of their names. I didn't even understand the language, it wasn't a conversation I could follow.

Oh yeah, you should see me now! I love twitter, I cannot put my phone down. I try to read as much as possible, go to everyone's blogs, retweet their messages. That's exactly where the problem is. I am officially the one in the house with the biggest withdrawal symptoms if we have to go somewhere and I can't check my phone the whole time. I mean, the family would think I'm crazy if I didn't want to sit and chat with them. I can't keep running of to the restrooms every five minutes.

That's why I lay around in my house, don't want to go and visit anyone, don't want to make food for anyone. I decided tonight that I will make my men (husband and three sons) something nice to eat. They loved the food and I decided that I really should get a balance. 

I will try my best to leave my phone as much as possible, to not check every five minutes and to live a productive life. Yeah right, that just doesn't sound like me. Sorry guys it's take-out again tomorrow night, mom's going to be busy ;-)

It really was better than expected

At last the weekend is here. I must confess, I really thought this week was going to be horrible. But guess what, it turned out to be really good.  It wasn't nice to know that I had to start working on Tuesday, especially since we have to be at the school at 6:30 every morning - it's just to help the kids get accustomed to their new teachers. Every teacher receives her own kids in her own class, once they are settled we shall all gather in one classroom. Once we get to this point it will just get easier, the teachers come in early once a week and receive all the kids (of course with the help of some assistants).

I must just confess that I really was stressed on Monday evening, just thinking of all the new kiddies in my class. Will the accept me as their teacher? Will they throw a tantrum in front of their parents and I'll have to do something about it? Nothing of the kind happened! It was the easiest starting week I have ever had. The kids were calm, they accepted me immediately and said goodbye to mom and dad like pros.

I know these are still early days, and yes some of them have already tried to push my buttons. But at the start of this weekend I really feel that we're getting somewhere. I am really looking forward to working with and teaching this class. We even had our first birthday of the year today. We had lucky packets and of course - Spider-man cupcakes.

As I said in an earlier post this is going to be my year. I just know that the kids and I are going to get along splendidly. We'll have our battles, their will be screaming, crying and tantrums (maybe the kids will have these too), but overall I shall try my best.

I'm so motivated to really get started this year. We are going to do and make great and interesting things. I'll keep you posted on everything we do, I'll even tell you if I no longer have energy to keep going.

A little confession goes a long way

Is it really such a big deal if you are a mother and you confess that you don't like cooking? It's not that I dislike it, it's just that there is so much I would like to do and so little time left in my day. Okay that was a lie, I actually dislike cooking a lot. But the only reason is because I would spend my whole day reading.

Don't get me wrong I love food! I watch cooking shows all the time, I buy cooking books every time I see one with a nice cover. I even read them, well I only look at the pictures, buy that still counts as reading doesn't it?

The only problem is that I started blogging, and then I thought I would try out this little thing called twitter. That's exactly where the trouble started. Now I am grabbing my phone every five minutes to check all the tweets on twitter (three days ago I would have said messages - see how educational twitter is?)

Don't get me wrong I love my husband and my kids very much. I know it's good for them to get food every day. But really, three times a day plus snacks! Okay so I eat with them, but wouldn't it be easier if we could all just grabbed what we wanted when we wanted? No I guess not, there is this little thing called bonding over mealtimes. I have no problem with the eating and bonding part, it's just the preparation that's so time consuming. That's why I know exactly how many paragraphs to read on my kindle before I turn over a flapjack or make scramble eggs. Tell me that's not inventive?

Another thing, have you noticed how quickly your food that took you a while to prepare seem to disappear in a few minutes? It's like magic - poof and it's gone. Your kitchen look like a war zone and within an hour my 16 year old will check in the freezer if there perhaps is something tasty to nibble on.

Oh well, as long as they leave me to blog once a day and to check my phone as much as I want, I will just keep on doing what I do best. I know that I'm not the best mother, I'm definitely not the best cook - but I do love my family and I know they love me back. So that's it, I don't have to feel guilty. I am who I am, and I sure like that woman in the mirror - it took me a while to get to this point where I can accept myself completely.

I can only try to be the best me everyday ;-)

Why do we do it?

Why did I do it? This is really harder than I thought. When I decided to start blogging it was just going to be a nice little thing to keep me busy. There would be no stress involved, I would write everyday (yeah right), the topics would jump into my head and flow through my fingers. I should have known it wouldn't last.

I had to take it a notch further. Yes of course, I also had to try out twitter. I mean I always have been the most digital person you have ever met (I say in a whisper from behind my bedroom door, in case my kids are listening). Then I started following other people (and they don't even think you are some strange weirdo).

The downer on all this - I have to teach preschoolers in the morning, I have three sons at home who always want something to eat - why? I also have to give my husband dinner, oh yeah, and those kids as well. I have to concentrate on thinking about something intelligent to blog about. I also miss my daughter who is in New York, did I mention I was far away in South Africa?

Did I tell you that I actually enjoy all of this craziness? I check my phone every hour to check on twitter, which means I'll see something interesting and decide that I must also tweet something. Every afternoon I also try to blog at the same time, I read something about the creative juices flowing?

The one thing I haven't gotten around to so far? I said I was going to join the gym. Yes, I know everyone always say that, but I will do it! I bought the gear, so I guess if I have everything there will be no more excuses.

I hope you enjoyed this crazy post. It just goes to prove that if I can write a blog, anyone can write one. Thank you so much for your patience ;-)

Wonderful day

Isn't it strange how you can psych yourself up and tell yourself that you must get ready for the worst day in your life? How you dread going back to school because you know that the children are all going to be in bad moods. You just know that they are going to cry for their parents, and there will be nothing you can do - except perhaps cry with them?

Well what do you know? This turned out to be one of the best first days back at school I ever had.  There was one or two kiddies who were sad for a minute or so, but that was it! We all got along splendidly. Of course I had to tell them the rules a few times, showed them how to sit quietly and wait for their friends to finish before going outside to play.

I know that this was only the first day, I also know that I had only 13 kids instead of the normal 21. You know what? I don't care! I went to school this morning with a positive attitude, this is going to be my year. We shall have fun, we shall sing, we are going to make a mess. And that is just great. This year my kiddies and I are going to shine. I even subscribed to twitter. Feel free to follow me: @teachersrmoms. Hope you had a wonderful day ;-)

Final preparations

At last the final day of being at home has arrived. After a meeting with my colleagues from school and making sure that everything is ready in my classroom for tomorrow, I am now busy with the final preparations.

I decided to try out Sally from @fairydustteaching recipe for galaxy clay. So far so good, although at this stage it is just a black clump of something. Hopefully after it has cooled down and I can roll it in glitter it will look like something from the galaxy.

So far I have done absolutely nothing to get my boys ready for school next week. I know it's going to frustrate me terribly to try and do everything before Monday, but well, that's just me. I'm also the one running around on Christmas Eve because I didn't get everything I needed.

I did it! It really looks like something from outer space. Well time to start dinner, my kids already thought I was giving them something with squid ink to eat tonight.  Hope you had a wonderful day today, it's early to bed for me. I do need my strength and wit tomorrow. Hope to chat with you again soon ;-)

Starting the year

It's sad to think how quickly time flies when your on holiday. I know, I know you must hear that a lot, but it's so true. Tomorrow it will all be over, back to school for a meeting and the day after it will be back to normal. That is .... as normal as can be with 20 toddlers who doesn't want to be at school with a new teacher. They would rather be at home with mom and dad, this new person they get handed over to is going to expect things of them they really don't want to do. Playing with clay, cutting with scissors, blocks, playing with friends outside! Hey wait a minute, that sounds like fun. Maybe this isn't such a bad place to be, and just maybe this teacher is trying her best to make my day filled with fun and happy moments. To all the teachers out there, have fun. To all the parents dropping of their most precious belongings, don't worry we'll look after them as if they are our own. One point of advice - please hand over your child with a smile, and leave as quickly as possible. It really is true, the quicker you leave the quicker your child will settle - that's a promise ;